Brute – Eric Syrdal

This is something I need to write
while the fire of anger is in my heart
In these later years of my life
I have learned to let go of anger
more quickly
so what is left of my heart doesn’t become
blackened and bitter

But I must say this

You disgust me
You have my complete contempt
and that is not an easy thing to do
I have a forgiving heart
I strive to understand
to accept
to empathize

I cannot do this with you

You confound me to no end
I am continuously embarrassed and confused
by your actions

You can not comprehend how much
rage fills my heart when I think of you
what you do
what you consider amusement
is a sick and twisted malady
which is incurable in the likes of you

what gives you the right
to approach her?
what broken logic
do you mutter to yourself
in the throes of your indecent behavior

you can’t be content
with all the warnings we are given as children
you can’t be satisfied
that a butterfly perched upon your finger

You can not marvel at her beauty
with eye-watering wonder
You can not sit in peace
as she shows you her gorgeous colors
close your eyes and feel
the tingle in your soul at her delicate touch
upon your skin
sigh out loud
at the pride swelling in your heart
that she chose you
as a place to rest from her weary flight

You had to touch her wings

Your alpha-bullshit
convinced you that you could do such a thing
and she would be fine
and so with slobbering tongue and whining like a beast in heat
intent on humping the furniture
you repeatedly let your primitive hind-brain
type out a string of tripe to her
always on a private channel
because your coward nature doesn’t let you make advances in the light
where men such as I
could see
and oh how I wish you would give me the chance to see

You inspire me to violence
because you make me physically ill
Your alpha-animal-fuckery makes me want to
give in to my primal side too
and thrash you within and inch of your life

So of that you can be proud…you drag me kicking and screaming to your level

I hate you for it

You can’t walk past a beautiful flower
without putting your filthy hands around the stem
and yanking her from the earth?

On this massive battlefield that we all share
you can’t celebrate her strength and power
without hooking a finger behind her breastplate to see
what’s underneath?

How dare you, you wretched filthy piece of trash…..

In this war we all fight
how good does it feel to protect her flank?
take one more worry off her mind
that she can feel confident you are an ally
You will never know
what it feels like to put your back against hers
and devote all of your willpower to the forces in front of you
never worrying that something may attack from behind

I enjoy
so much
lying on the ground
next to their fire and watching the beautiful shapes
amid their crackling flames

They warm what is left of my soul and you have no idea the battle that I fight to keep it every day

and you are putting them out
these wonderful bonfires of strength, magic, and beauty
sensual and romantic
hard edged and joyful
you are snuffing them out one by one

and I hate you for it

with every shame-laiden-panick-attack-inducing
unwanted advance
you remove more and more of them from my universe
and I am tired of it

So very tired

They owe you nothing
and that is all you will ever be

 

• This is a subject very close to my heart. One that I have taken on personally to fight against. It has claimed so many of my female friends here on Word Press and other social media sites. The day to day anxiety and stress from dealing with unwanted advances online has snuffed out their existence here. And it is among the greater tragedies of my time to have to acknowledge that the situation seems to get worse and worse by the day.
• unwanted online advances of ANY kind are tantamount to sexual assault. And should be treated with the same seriousness we would if it were happening in the everyday real world.
• it is imperative that we do everything we can to address it and to also be supportive of the victims. I should not have to explain how terrible it is to deal with this type of behavior alone, no one should feel like they have to put up with this. They need allies and support, always.