I Knew My Heart…Eric Syrdal

 

I knew my heart
when boys were boys
and making her cry meant you liked her

I knew my heart
when concrete met flesh
misjudged that bump and bicycles learned to fly
are tears really necessary? … walk it off

I knew my heart
when “one of the guys” was
pushing rumors down grapevines
thorns and all
and awkward silences when entering crowded rooms
“protect the brotherhood code”

I knew my heart
when men don’t say
I love you
to other men

I knew my heart
when shirts vs skins
ribs and lanky arms and bird legs
and non-stop dogs barking with no respite; no solace

I knew my heart
when lights were out
and shapes are monstrous
calls go unanswered, nothing in the dark that isn’t in the light
“grow up”

I knew my heart
Could decode the lies
my compass never pointed south
when I became my own cartographer, armorer and blacksmith
and I wrote my truth

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• Inspired by Kindra M. Austin’s ‘I Knew My Worth‘, Aurora Phoenix’s ‘I Knew My Place’ and Kristiana Reed’s ‘I Knew My Mistakes.’ and Christine Ray’s ‘I Knew My Name’