This girl is all I am – Candice Louisa Daquin


There is a secret at the back of my throat

a black tulip

that won’t swallow

the ash of memories

I was you see, a girl of damage and plums

you could see the embers beneath my eyes

like eighties makeup and Adam Ant

I was no prince charming

but the girl who played the piano with her eyes shut

because she could not read music

nor find her way to release

I see photos of girls who could have been me

with fresh skin and dimples

they can join groups and do things in harmony

smile for the camera, bow for the priest

whilst I shunned the age of innocence

or it devoured me

spitting out my infernal seeds

to scatter beyond my picking

how to climb mountains with minions

take a picture?

or smile in the collective conscience

when the stamp is already affixed

blood drawn

waiting for its testing

I can already tell you

it will be infected

with the grief that stayed and did not go

so when you ask me

why don’t you have photos of when you were younger?

why don’t you feature in group shots?

how come you don’t possess family and friends in abundance?

or even handfuls

I point wordlessly

to a girl in the past

licking darkness from her fingers

I say without a tongue

this is who she becomes

this girl is all I am

if it is not enough for you I understand

if you need someone who will radiate and take you

mountaineering and socializing

do not choose her

she has only the will of this moment

she is not a joiner not one of the crowd

but if you let her

precisely because of this

she will be everything

18 thoughts on “This girl is all I am – Candice Louisa Daquin

    1. Thank you so much for your support. I had been stymied in terms of writing lately due to feeling down and what Anthony said about our Anthology and the encouragement of you really means so much to me thank you for you ps can you send me your addy so I can put you on my xmas card list xo pretty please

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Love love this…Candice. You have the talent of writing effortlessly and your poems portray your emotions so transparent as I’m reading our daily. So honest and so crude.
    I’m in love with this lone” she has only the will of this moment”.Brilliant!!


      1. Candice, you are such a strong women and epitome of courage for all of us..why to get bogged down by people who fail to understand the sensitivity and amount of the heart and soul which goes into speaking about the abuse.It is his sheer ignorance and complete lack of empathy and I don’t even want to waste my single breath and will never allow hin to fuck my piece of mind. For me, people like him ,they dont exist cause the wolrd is full of them ,my friend.
        Love and hugs!!


      2. Wow I really do get bogged down so I am surprised you think me strong but thank you for saying that it means a lot. It is very true about complete lack of empathy and ignorance for sure, how right you are. I’m so glad we are sisters in this together my friend.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. We indeed are and you are stronger than you think.Believe me we always second guess our ability and I always believe in this saying ” I have scars cause I survived.” Coincidentally I have just posted something on the whisper and Roar on the same lines.Such a beautiful coincidence my friend. Universe speaks to us in mysterious ways.


      4. I truly believe this and that one door closes and another opens. I’ve had a lot of closed doors lately so I’m hopeful! Your support means the world to me and you are an inspiration to me because you NEVER QUIT

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “not a joiner not one of the crowd” – There was a boy like that, not to be found in many group photos, and who found a poem:

    Jakushitsu Genko Zenji – 1290-1368
    from: Like a Dream, Like a Fantasy
    by: Noyogen Senzaki

    He walks freely in the world,
    And goes just one way.
    From the eternal past to the eternal future,
    He is alone,
    No one accompanies him.
    If you ask him how old he is,
    He will look at you with a smile,
    And point to the endless sky.


  3. “There is a secret at the back of my throat

    a black tulip”

    “a girl of damage and plums”

    “licking darkness from her fingers
    I say without a tongue
    this is who she becomes”

    “but if you let her
    precisely because of this
    she will be everything”

    You are so amazing, Candy.


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