So many uncomfortable feelings — Melita White

So many uncomfortable feelings
What shall I do with them?
This one I’ll avoid, catch a bullet train away from
This one I’ll shove in a drawer, tightly, amongst my worn-out knickers
This one I’ll stuff down my throat, with a cinnamon bun to chase it
This one I’ll hide up a tree for later, amongst the ripening fruit
This one curls me up, like a newborn babe in terror
This one I’ll push high inside, right up near my cervix
This one I’ll pass on to you, contagious miasma of melancholy
This one I’ll let ignite me, set my jaw on fire
This one makes me buy things:
This thing makes me feel worthy, and that thing makes me feel loved, and this thing makes me look thin, and that thing makes me feel rich, and this one means I belong, and that one brings me peace, and this one helps me control my life, and the thing on my finger means he loves me, the thing in my tummy is yummy, too, though it’s sure to make me fat. Things are replacements for feelings. Things are salves for my pain. Things make up for my lack. Things say I’m ok. Things solve everything.
But under the things there are feelings
And the toughest feelings of all?
Those are the ones I’ll write a poem about, and hope that you won’t read it

Melita White is founder and writer of the blog Feminist Confessional, a space that features feminist poetry, essays and personal pieces in a confessional style, with a focus on the MeToo movement. She is a spoken word artist, a composer and musician and loves making all kinds of things. / Feminist Confessional YouTube channel

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